Please tell us about yourself. What has happened in your life and how did you get here?
My name is Daphne, and I am the co-founder of HÁI swimwear. 33-year-old Taurus/Dragon. I am an extremely private person; I don’t usually share anything that has happened in my life, whether good or bad. Part of the reason is that I don’t think people would be interested in me; however, I’ve set a goal to improve myself in 2022; I want to be more open to friends/family and express my feelings more.
Our team also made a small goal in 2022 to share 1-2 stories a month about women and their lives on our platforms.
So here we go:
November and December 2021 have been a shitty two months for my family and me. My grandma passed away in November, and I had a miscarriage in December.
It all happened so fast. From the moment grandma was diagnosed with liver cancer to learning that it had spread to her lungs was only a few days. Surgery wasn’t an option, and it was just a matter of time.
She was one of the loudest and funniest grandmas, always calling me Miss China whenever I visited and whenever she introduced me to others. I was embarrassed at the time, but this memory is now so precious. - I was her miss China. I got to video chat with her and told her that she was going to become a great-grandma. She passed away the next day after telling my mom that she’s lived a great life and had no regrets.
My Grandma had traveled around the world! This was her in Japan in 93.
I learned about my miscarriage at 11 weeks during my second ultrasound session. Moments before we found out, my husband Danny and I talked about giving birth and our options here in Bali. Memories are usually a blur, but somehow I remember every second of this day. When the session began, I was lying down, and my husband started to record the ultrasound screen because we forgot to film it the first time. As soon as the doctor began screening, the atmosphere in the room changed. I knew that something was wrong. I saw Danny slowly put down his phone from the corner of my eye. The doctor said that the fetus is smaller than it should be, and he can’t detect a heartbeat. I didn’t feel anything at the time. All we could do was ask why and what’s going to happen from here?
On our way home in the car, tears swelled up in my eyes and streamed down my face in silence. I heard Danny keep saying sorry, but I couldn’t spit out a word. I just couldn’t….
I’ve lived through all the possible stages of grief in December. I spent at least 3 days in bed feeling ashamed, beating myself up, and holding onto a slim hope that the doctor was wrong. 2 weeks of isolation at home while refusing to talk to anyone followed this. Luckily, I have a strong significant other, Danny, who kept everything positive. He did extensive research on miscarriages and let me know the statistics on having a baby again in the future. - He pulled me back to life.
Danny and Daphne 2021.
Tell us more about when you first found out that you were pregnant? What kind of child did you expect to have?
We were super excited and started to paint our future together with the baby! Planned baby revealing to our parents, gender revealing party with our families, and baby shower with our friends. We did everything that a couple would do! My Asian parents even thought about the baby’s education from kindergarten to Master’s degree. lol
We expected to have a very sweet Cancer baby!
What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you find out that you were having a miscarriage? How do you get yourself out of the mindset afterward?
When I was in the consultation room, nothing was on my mind, but I felt everything right after. It took us a good 3 weeks to think positive again. Sometimes I think it’s harder on my husband as he needs to be strong for me while grieving.
Lots of research and supports from friends and family is what got us through and to believe this miscarriage proves that we can get pregnant and there is still hope.
Tell us more about the treatment, any struggles, and how you overcome them.
I had the D&C because I was too far along for a natural/medical miscarriage. They put me to sleep during the surgery, so it was painless. After the surgery, I felt fragile physically and mentally, so I rested in bed for 3-5 days. Took me a week to gain my strength back and 2 weeks for my sanity back on track to recovery.
What are your daily goals, and how do you balance them with life?
My daily goal is to focus on my recovery and get super healthy. It will take about 6 weeks for the uterus to heal. My family has sent me a Chinese medicine care package for miscarriage, and I’ve been drinking the horrible black herbal soup daily and eating super clean at the same time. I plan on getting back to boxing and CrossFit after the 6th week. Also, I’ve been looking forward to getting back to work on HÁI!
Do you have favorite places/things to do when things get a ‘bit too much’? Perhaps to take a vacation and travel somewhere new? Or stay at a resort that you love and enjoy your me-time?
We are very lucky to live in Bali and get to travel to all these unique places in Indonesia during the pandemic. We just got back from our Christmas vacation in Ayana Komodo! Although it was the wet season, it felt good to just chill at a resort!
Beach clubbing in our HÁI swimsuit at potato head Bali.
HÁI resort look, chilling at the Mathis Lodge, Amed, Bali.
What does it mean to you to wear a HÁI swimsuit after all that you have been through?I've gained weight, especially after learning that I had a miscarriage, and it took a big hit on my self-confidence. The thought of not fitting into my old clothes scares me. I lived in our Kaftan for weeks because that's the only thing that was comfortable and made me look good at the same time.
I wore our classic peekaboo on my getaway to Komodo for four days; I even styled it with my linen shorts/shirt when going into town. I was pleased that our swimsuit made me feel comfortable yet stylish as I slowly gained my confidence back little by little.
Any words of encouragement to other women who are in the same situation?
I felt like I was the most unfortunate woman in the world when it happened, and at the same time, I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. But the thing is that after opening up to a few friends and family, I learned that so many women were in the same situation, and their stories gave me comfort. It’s crazy how common miscarriages can happen, yet we think it’s too private to talk about it. Try to talk about it with family and friends, you will realize that you are not alone.
Also, care for your husband as they usually hide their feelings because they need to be “strong” for the family.
Really grateful for my husband. He has been my rock throughout the two months.